A Wedding Scene Investigators guest blogging experience!

In this day and age, I work with numerous couples who were raised in different backgrounds, religions, and cultures. The social stigma against such unions has shifted so considerably in the past several decades that the majority of interfaith couples who seek my services are less concerned with family pressures or expectations and are more interested in creating a ceremony that feels right for both of them.

For the rest of this post, please check out Wedding Scene Investigators!

Also, for those who may not know, I am now accepting bookings for 2011 wedding ceremonies! If you and your partner are planning a formal commitment this year, check out my website for more details!

Jeffrey

A mood of universal destruction and renewal…has set its mark on our age. This mood makes itself felt everywhere, politically, socially, and philosophically. We are living in what the Greeks called the kairos—the right moment—for a “metamorphosis of the gods,” of the fundamental principles and symbols. This peculiarity of our time, which is certainly not of our conscious choosing, is the expression of the unconscious human within us who is changing. Coming generations will have to take account of this momentous transformation if humanity is not to destroy itself through the might of its own technology and science…. So much is at stake and so much depends on the psychological constitution of the modern human. — Carl Gustav Jung

In 1925, Carl Gustav Jung, one of the most brilliant psychologists in our field’s brief history, took a trip to New Mexico. In fact, his experience in Taos with a group of Native Americans is considered to be one of the most significant contributions to the development of his unique approach to psychology and more importantly, his perception of human behavior. Jung noted that at the core of his discoveries at Taos Pueblo was the notion that humans “need a sense of their individual and cultural significance to be psychologically healthy.”

In his book Memories, Dreams and Reflections (which happens to be one of my very favorite books, ever) Jung suggested that his experience in New Mexico made him aware of his imprisonment “in the cultural consciousness of the white man.” As a man living in Chicago this week, I have to say that I feel somewhat imprisoned by some cultural consciousness as well.

For the past several days, client after client has walked into my office and somewhere during the hour uttered the words, “Bears, Packers?!?” Sometimes it comes across as a question, sometimes as a simple fact. “Did you see the game?” “Where will you watch it on Sunday?” “So, who are you for, Bears…Packers?” As a man who has historically maintained precious little interest in football, it is a fascinating experience to suddenly feel swept into a Midwestern whirlwind of rivalry and vigor, longing and lasciviousness.

Women and men alike, care about this game on Sunday. Folks who were born and raised in the streets of Chicago care. Transplants from other countries and states, care. Political conservatives and wacky liberals know it matters who wins and they have opinions. Homosexuals are weighing in and heterosexuals, too. Women who cheat and men who hide their real feelings have a lot to say about Bears/Packers…

The Taos Pueblo is separated into two tiny, mud cities by a modest river that weaves down into the valley beneath a great mountain. One of the details that Dr. Jung found particularly significant was the fact that the pueblo’s natural separation by the river had created an ever so slight variation between the two sides of the village. In fact, when it came to engaging in rituals, hunting and even sporting events, the gentle designation of the two distinct teams created a friendly rivalry and competition that served as a projection for interpersonal tensions and aggression. Jung noted that as a result of this sometimes heated team rivalry, there was considerably less aggression, hostility and strife in people’s homes and in the whole tribal community.

I don’t really care who wins the game this Sunday. I’d like to believe that the not always so friendly rivalry between Bears and Packers fans is a healthy projection of aggressive energy away from real people and real issues onto something like an NFL rivalry. At the same time, I continue to be amazed by the number of men and women who use their feelings about sporting events, wins and losses, as springboards for dealing with their own hopes and dreams, perceived successes and failures. Either way, I just might succumb to the local cultural consciousness and watch the game..

Human evolution, or anthropogeny, is the origin and evolution of Homo sapiens as a distinct species from other hominids, great apes and placental mammals. I have always appreciated the commonly known horizontal illustration of the evolution of “man” from stooped over simians to almost vertical sapiens. I believe we humans were brilliantly engineered as a species to adapt, grow and survive and while it is incomprehensible that our species could develop into anything but what we have become today, there is no logical reason to believe that we are done growing!

However… I also believe that our evolution continues to occur not only as a developing species but also as a developing consciousness. Indeed, the fact that we dream is one of the strongest supports for this belief. Dreaming is non-essential when it comes to survival as a body but I believe it is essential with regard to our development and evolution as thinking, feeling, consciously metaphysical beings.

Dreaming is the process whereby the unconscious mind communicates with the conscious mind in an attempt to create wholeness in our beings. Dreams are the bridges that allow movement back and forth between what we think we know and what we deeply, unconsciously, even metaphysically know.

Dreams also allow us to transport information or events that may be painful or confusing to an environment that is at once emotionally real but physically unreal; we inject these confusing or challenging thoughts and feelings into a psychic Petri dish where we experiment and observe ourselves in a safe container.

Dream analysis is a key component in the process of becoming whole as a person. While interpretation and input from a book, a psychotherapist or one of Oprah’s guests can be extremely beneficial, it can never be as meaningful or profound as it is when we figure something out on our own. Our desire to make peace with or establish an understanding of something that occurs in the dream world is truly a movement toward deeper awareness of ourselves. It speaks volumes about our evolution as an intelligent consciousness.

In addition, dreams often involve the vast array of human experiences from our deepest desires to our deepest wounds. Therefore, analyzing these emotional places within ourselves helps us make peace with both extremes and steers us back toward the center, fashioning a baseline of peace and balance.

One need only observe a (rapidly diminishing) animal of prey to see the level of calm and equilibrium they exhibit when moving through the world. It would be unusual indeed to witness a panther (theroretically) who can’t execute dinner because of too much strain and stress, fear of failure or residual childhood trauma. Yet, for all of our development, knowledge and understanding about the world, we humans seem far less at peace with our essential selves than those animals who are arguably less “evolved.”

Personally, I’d rather be chased by wolves, stalked by a panther or shot at by crazy gunmen in my dreams then in my waking life in order to learn something about myself and expand my conscious awareness of life. Still a scary experience, but far less life threatening!

I wanted to believe that this might be the only blog in town this week not about Osama or Obama. That I wouldn’t write a tome about “to kill a killer” or “to gloat or not to gloat.” Yet, in the end, it’s all really about the meaning of life, anyway. I’m talking about BIG stuff, here. I’m talking about THE POINT.

What’s the point?

And I’m not coming from that nihilistic, black nail polish kind of place. I’m coming from that stare into the mirror and sigh sort of place.

It seems like back “in the really old days” people had basic survival to contend with more than anything. Hunt, gather, and/ or grow food and do ones best to protect the family from marauders and generally bad people. Also likely was the added concern with the fate of one’s body, mind and spirit in the assumed or hotly debated afterlife.

Today, we’re still concerned with the procurement of food ( I mean, who doesn’t like a cold Coca Cola) and self-protection (could I ever build a wall high enough), however these basic needs are often overshadowed by the pursuit of new technology (patiently, peacefully waiting for the IPhone 5), preparing for retirement (what does that really mean in this day and age) and where and when we will take our next vacation (when did we need a fancy term for staying home instead of going somewhere else).

Back in the day when folks were primarily concerned with the survival of self and soul, do you think they felt an overarching sense of meaning in their lives? Do you think they felt connected to the rest of the planet; a kinship with other humans? Even without CNN? Makes me wonder…

When faced with my survival, is there really significant emotional and physical space to worry about the existential nature of meaning and purpose?

Today there are surely billions of people who are still concerned with their souls in the afterlife and who derive a sense of meaning from their respective religions or beliefs. Yet, I am unsure as to whether there is a unifying, universally coherent, common purpose for us all; something that draws us all together. Was the notion of the Tower of Babel (one of my favorite parables) merely about language or was there a deeper, existential notion of DIFFERENCE?

One would think the condition of our environment would have accomplished a unification for our species long ago yet the fact that the nations of the world can’t seem to work together to solve global warming is an indication of our state of affairs. We still remain scattered across the earth doing our own thing. Some countries still consider global warming an Other issue as a matter of public policy.

Then there is, of course, the issue of doctrine, dogma and subjective truth. The marauders attacking my village thousands of years ago believed they were justified in attacking my village even though I strongly disagreed. I mean, I REALLY disagreed with the essential premise of their approach to life.

Many of us today are in favor of free speech and democratic process until someone threatens us for real. When marauders come rolling through my sense of peace and calm, I want to stop them by any means necessary because I’m still basically a human being who doesn’t care about you until you make changing me and altering my agenda, your agenda. Then we have a problem, man.

The notion of that primordial tower was for all the nations of the earth to band together for a common end and build a structure so amazing that we could reach God, thus becoming Gods. However, that scoundrel God “confounded the language of all the Earth.” (Genesis 11:5-8) and set us back a ways. Now look at us.

I used to live on a small ranch in New Mexico where my neighbors and I enjoyed plenty of room between our respective properties. A gorgeous rock cliff served as demarcation to the north and then there was just land everywhere else sprinkled with some houses, horse corrals and the train tracks to the south. Each morning I’d open my front door and my dogs would take off into the sage brush and chamisas, doing their business as they saw fit. No leashes, plastic bags or parks. In fact, no one seemed to care what my dogs were doing or where horses pooped or how deep into my land the neighbors’ llamas grazed.

And yet, I was very aware of an unspoken code of boundaries. An understanding existed, floated, between all of the land-owners out there in the high desert. Centered on respect, folks out there beneath the big sky understood that we all lived out in the hills because we wanted the privacy, freedom and peace to live our lives without much interference.

Floodlights were put on motion sensors so as not to disrupt the natural beauty of the night sky for anyone else. No radios spewed unwanted music across the succulents and pinon trees. Our road remained unpaved year after year in order to keep traffic at a minimum. It was quiet and simple enough to focus on what was happening internally without many external distractions.

Many people thought I was off my rocker when I voluntarily moved to the heart of Chicago. And yet, city life isn’t terribly different from rural living. Not terribly…

People still like their freedom, peace and privacy they just go about it a bit differently. Less of an unspoken code here, folks seem very committed to the written laws in place and are often rapidly on board when it comes to their enforcement. People seem resolved never to see the night sky so who cares if you leave your lights on all night or if your car alarm goes off three times a night? Living on top of and beneath people day in and day out, it also gets hard to avoid being in other people’s business. I can easily distinguish when the neighbors are fighting and when they are making up…Hey, that’s city life, right?

Boundaries are a funny thing in the big city. We love our freedoms but we’re willing to do all sorts of things in order to make sure other people are following the rules properly. We love our peace and quiet but we can only attain real peace here by consciously choosing to be unconscious. While I don’t mind living in the city now, I do miss the unspoken commitment to live and let our neighbors live.