One of the hardest things about being in a relationship for me is witnessing someone so close to me suffer. We all have our own patterns, blind spots, and distortions of reality however when we’re in the swamp, it is often incredibly difficult to believe that it is just the swamp we’re in and not the entire planet.

It is also challenging to believe we know what someone else needs, that one little thing they can do to alleviate their own suffering. As I teach people each day, it is not for any one of us to tell another person what their problem is! Even if we think we know what it is! At best, we have the opportunity to ask for permission to share some insights we might have but without that permission, we are treading in dangerous territory. And our brilliant insights are likely to be met with animosity, resentment and mistrust.

Many people like to then ask, “so what’s the point of friendship, partnership, family, etc. if we can’t tell them what we think and where they are stuck?”

It’s a wonderful question and I believe that millions of people on the planet are right there with you. The truth is, however, that it is not our right, even if we care very much for them. It is absolutely our right if they ask for help or if they are willing to hear what you have to say. Some people believe it is their absolute responsibility to tell someone they love what they should do, need to do, must do! However, whenever we hear the word “should” rolling off our own lips, you can bet we’re headed for trouble.

The Tyranny of the Should is not only an enemy of our own, berating us for not doing more and being more, more, more… it is also an enemy of our loved ones. “You really should” is a problem for relationships across the globe. It is an indicator that we are actually not at peace with ourselves so we feel the need to change others. It can also be a close cousin of false righteousness, the cousin who always seems to know what I should have done and is so happy to let me know after the fact.

When I come from the Realm of the Should, the likelihood is that I, too, am nearing the swamp.

So, please remember: The swamp is not the planet, it is a teansie, tiny spec on the planet. When I am stuck and I feel the world is crap, it is a feeling, not reality!!! It will pass.

2010 has been an amazing year in my life. I have been both grateful for incredible blessings and awestruck by intense challenges. I have been touched and surprised by the goodness and love in people as well as pained and dismayed by spite and projection from people. I have experienced moments of greatness from myself and moments of personal disappointment and frustration. Above all, I have been both a witness and a creator of my life, moving through time and space as a willing partner, striving to be more conscious, loving and at peace.

So, when I consider the past year and the year to come, I acknowledge that I stand at the intersection of two profound places: That which was, and that which is to come. The point where I stand, is of course, the present moment where everything exists and everything is possible. What powerful consciousness it is to be in this place!!!

Which brings me to consider the level of intention that I place on New Year’s Eve. When the clock strikes midnight, where am I, really? Who am I being? What am I manifesting, creating, promoting? So, I ask of you:

What makes your New Year happy?

How do you usher in the new year? Are you the kind of person that has three parties on tap for the night and you don’t leave each one until you’ve tapped three drinks from each spot? Are you the stay at home and watch the ball drop from the couch person? Or perhaps you’ve got reservations for two at a swanky dress-up for foam dinner with champagne included?

No matter what you’ve got in store, the question that matters most (in my opinion) is the intention you set for whatever you choose to do. I am fascinated by the common belief that a person needs to be inebriated when the clock strikes 12 on New Year’s Eve in order to really “do it right.” What a funny way to set the tone for a new chapter in your personal history. It goes something like this on the first day back to work:

“How was your New Year’s?” “Oh my God, I was SO inebriated!”

“Awesome!”

Really? Awesome? Is this how we do it? That’s how we roll? I am often curious whether we are actually celebrating or numbing. What does it really suggest about where I’m at in my life when I start my new year semi-conscious or blacked out? Or is it about the year I have just completed? Am I celebrating the fact that I survived a horrible year by drowning its memory from my awareness?
What would happen if I were to stand at the intersection of two units of time and space with the conscious awareness of what I have accomplished, survived or experienced and the intention and potential of that which I choose to create in the future?

Years ago I joined author Natalie Goldberg at her home in Taos, NM for a Mindful New Year’s Party. Her meditation teacher led a small group of her friends in an evening of chants and meditations, gongs and bells, tea and rice. We were so entranced that we missed midnight by twenty minutes.

Another year, I joined a group of mostly strangers at a private home in Santa Fe for an evening of Native American totems and animal guests, break-out process sessions geared to raise awareness of personal challenges and intentions for the coming year. There was also some killer green chile dip.

Don’t get me wrong, I have had my share of drunken parties in my time. I’ve stumbled through the mayhem of Times Square, oinked my way through a pig roast luau on Maui, and I have even yawned at Dick Clark from my couch with sparking cider. They were all fine experiences and I have nothing against a good party.

But when it comes to intention, I have some opinions. How do I choose to live my life? How do I create my reality? Where is my focus? Am I mindful right now? Is this the human I want to be? Where am I really going in my life starting tomorrow, today, yesterday?

Try it. Whether you shell out large bills on dinner or shell it out into a porcelain bowl, you choose the person you are being at any given moment. Set your intention, create your reality, manifest your best self. It’s just another opportunity to be awesome!!!