Albert Einstein once posed a radical question especially for a scientist: “Is the universe a friendly place?”

Many of his peers were instantly outraged that a man of science would even attempt to place any type of value or judgment to the factual, concrete, linear nature of well, nature, for the question itself is as radical as anyone’s subjective answer.

There could be fewer more important questions in the world we live in to at least establish a tentative hypothesis, a working position. In fact, one’s personal response to this question is in many ways the defining point of one’s existence.

If I believe that the universe is a friendly place, conspiring in my favor, then from the time I awake in the morning to the time I close my eyes at night, my life rests in a cradle of positivity and purpose. I exist within a context of something bigger than me that supports my life. The parking ticket is a reminder that I need to be more mindful and share space with others. It is perhaps the extra moment I needed in order to delay my entrance onto the freeway before a terrible accident would have occurred.

However, if I believe that the universe is in fact not a friendly place and that forces in the field of my existence are conspiring against me, then my context is one of survival of the fittest, me against the world. I exist in a fight against the forces that would have me extinguished. The parking ticket on my car is an affirmation of a world that doesn’t love me.

What kind of universe do you live in?

For many of us, the holiday season is a time to come together, share gifts and eat sweets. It can also be a time of intensified stress, old family patterns and unseemly reactions.

Hard to believe that a little Bing Crosby, Adam Sandler or Mariah Carey couldn’t soothe our exhausted adrenal glands and anxious antlers. However, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that at a time when we are encouraged to embrace the “Christmas Spirit” we are even more challenged to respond instead of react to the triggers in our midst.

And yes, you might be my trigger. Especially after three versions of Rudolph, a few Grandmas getting run over by reindeer, and yes, I know it is a white Christmas you’re dreaming of but can you stop bringing up Sarah Palin, please, please?

My dear sibling, parent, distant cousin, family friend, this or that twice removed…you may indeed hold the trigger I had hoped would remain dormant until dessert was served, the party ended or the wrapping paper re-folded and recycled. You have the unfortunate fortune of having unearthed the shadow to my light; the ugly beast that sleeps at my feet. I had really hoped you wouldn’t, but there you went and did it. The Kraken has been released.

Now I can feel the wheels turning and the gears grinding deep within, blood rushing to my cheeks and thoughts rapidly switching from innocuous banter to angry memories, projections, resentments and some minor homicidal fantasies. It’s easy to assume at this point that small children should be removed from the line of fire and Grandma’s special china be taken back to the kitchen.

But alas, no. Instead of letting the trigger take control of the situation and unleash it’s potential to steer the world down the path of a Jerry Springer show gone awry, use it as an opportunity to grow in ways beyond the waistline. The trigger is life’s invitation to confront our shadow and choose a response to it that creates the world we want to live in; a world we fashion from our ideals, our imagination, our hopes and dreams.

There’s a moment in the 1946 classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” when protagonist, George Bailey, becomes so discouraged and frightened that he had failed himself, his family and his community that he positions himself on a bridge for an icy, suicidal plunge. He jumps in, too, but to save someone else who jumps in first. While the story is compelling and does a great deal to inspire and warm our hearts, this moment is the core of the film.

For years, friends and teachers repeated the mantra, “one must pass through a challenge in order to get past it,” however the depth of this concept eluded me until I had taken enough plunges of my own to truly appreciate its wisdom. George jumps into the very same icy river that under different circumstances (despair) would have killed him yet when he feels pulled to the darkness in order to help someone else to the light it is not threatening. We have a tendency to project our fears, anxieties, worst case scenarios onto something and typically, it is that which we create. Likewise, if we project our hopes, dreams and fantasy outcomes onto a thing, we find the motivation and strength to keep pursuing that vision until it is realized.

George Bailey isn’t quite ready to grasp this kernel of truth at that point, so his guardian angel, Clarence, takes him down a path to see what the world would have been like without him. This profound experience is the thing that truly snaps him back into his positive, loving, compassionate self: “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”

If you haven’t seen this amazing film, I highly recommend it. We watched the film with a sold out crowd last night at Chicago’s Music Box Theatre and it was a gas to see it with such an engaged and adoring group of people. Each time the villain, Mr. Potter, said or did something, the theater hissed and booed. Every time an angel said or did something, the theater crowd jingled their bells. While there is a Christmas theme at the very end of the film, it is far from a Christmas movie at its core but rather a “spiritual being having a human experience” film.

I believe we are here to encounter a series of third dimensional challenges and triumphs in order to come out at the same place that George does: We are all interconnected and if we focus our love and hope onto something, we will manifest it. The shadow can swallow us into oblivion or can serve as the point of creation from which we are re-birthed.

When a government (headed by people we the people elect) say and do crazy things, are their absurd behaviors a result of the individuals themselves or is it part of a larger, systemic institutional insanity that is really to blame?

If a man walks into a school board meeting, spray paints a red “V” on the wall that resembles something concocted in and by Hollywood to resemble some authentic symbol of revolution, anarchy or dissent and then goes on to shoot up the place, can we say that his instability is personal and not institutional?

When a body of law-makers votes for a war based on unverified evidence of weapons of mass destruction but everyone seems to believe there are in fact weapons of destruction, is the insanity about the individuals themselves who voted yes or about the tribal consciousness that believes that one country has the right to attack another country?

When a couple of high school kids murder their fellow students on their way to eat an unhealthy school lunch and a few miles away hums one of the largest assembly plants that builds weapons of mass destruction, is it about the personal mental illnesses of the boys or the national mental illness of the corporations, governments and voters?

If a shark appears in the Red Sea (a body of water connected to every other ocean in the world) and starts eating tourists much in the way that Jaws terrorized Amity but the Egyptian government suggests that the shark was trained by Israeli intelligence to disrupt tourism, is it about the absurd ideas of an individual who suggests it or about the culture that allows such thoughts to exist? Jaws or Jews?

“What is being said about the Mossad throwing the deadly shark (in the sea) to hit tourism in Egypt is not out of the question, but it needs time to confirm,” South Sinai Governor Mohamed Abdel Fadil Shousha was quoted as saying by state news site egynews.net.

If I never had a fear of sharks until I went to see a movie called “Jaws” at a very young age, is it me that is crazy if I fear sharks and I live thousands of miles from an ocean or is it Steven Spielberg, or Hollywood, or a society that pays for tickets to see horror films, or a nature channel that airs an insatiable series called “Shark Week?”

We are so quick to label this or that person “insane” or “sociopathic” and yet we typically resist the notion that an entire way of thinking or doing can be mentally unhealthy.

I turned on the TV the other night to find Sarah Palin, a candidate for Vice President of the United States of America, teaching Kate Gosselin of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” fame (a reality show about a couple, well now a woman, with 8 kids, bad hair and an attitude) how to shoot a shot gun because they were going on a camping trip together with their kids and they might, just might, encounter a bear so they had better know how to defend their kids.

Sarah Palin, herself, is a fascinating example of how things have gotten totally insane in this country. Penelope Trunk, the Brazen Careerist, suggested that Palin is “running her career in ways I intuitively think we should all be running our careers.” Why? Because she left an elected position as governor of Alaska so she could better position herself to become president… Does that really make sense in the grand scheme of things? Or, right now, Rahm Emanuel, who left Chicago to go work for the President of the United States, is being pummeled here in Chicago, where he’d like to serve as mayor, because he left the city temporarily… Really?

That’s absurd. Isn’t it absurd? How is it not absurd? Am I crazy for thinking it is crazy? Are we all crazy? Is it just me?

I’m still afraid of sharks and I watch Shark Week every August with a fervor that deeply troubles my wife who would jump for joy if her husband would just once go diving with her (in the ocean).

One of the few times in my life that I have actually ventured into the open sea happened to have been snorkeling in the Red Sea. “There are no sharks in here, silly, it is just like a big lake,” said my buddy as we kicked our feet harder and farther, past the coral and into the oil streaks… That’s insane.

One of the hardest things about being in a relationship for me is witnessing someone so close to me suffer. We all have our own patterns, blind spots, and distortions of reality however when we’re in the swamp, it is often incredibly difficult to believe that it is just the swamp we’re in and not the entire planet.

It is also challenging to believe we know what someone else needs, that one little thing they can do to alleviate their own suffering. As I teach people each day, it is not for any one of us to tell another person what their problem is! Even if we think we know what it is! At best, we have the opportunity to ask for permission to share some insights we might have but without that permission, we are treading in dangerous territory. And our brilliant insights are likely to be met with animosity, resentment and mistrust.

Many people like to then ask, “so what’s the point of friendship, partnership, family, etc. if we can’t tell them what we think and where they are stuck?”

It’s a wonderful question and I believe that millions of people on the planet are right there with you. The truth is, however, that it is not our right, even if we care very much for them. It is absolutely our right if they ask for help or if they are willing to hear what you have to say. Some people believe it is their absolute responsibility to tell someone they love what they should do, need to do, must do! However, whenever we hear the word “should” rolling off our own lips, you can bet we’re headed for trouble.

The Tyranny of the Should is not only an enemy of our own, berating us for not doing more and being more, more, more… it is also an enemy of our loved ones. “You really should” is a problem for relationships across the globe. It is an indicator that we are actually not at peace with ourselves so we feel the need to change others. It can also be a close cousin of false righteousness, the cousin who always seems to know what I should have done and is so happy to let me know after the fact.

When I come from the Realm of the Should, the likelihood is that I, too, am nearing the swamp.

So, please remember: The swamp is not the planet, it is a teansie, tiny spec on the planet. When I am stuck and I feel the world is crap, it is a feeling, not reality!!! It will pass.