Happy Love: What is Your Relationship pH?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you got to the point when it occurred to you that it might not be worth the work?

Probably, right? I mean, relationships take work! They can be HARD!

However, how does one determine whether a relationship has crossed that line of no return or whether it is our own resistance to moving through our quirky little pathologies and potential for growth?

Some important questions must be presented for each unique situation in order to properly assess and get clarity.

For starters, is the relationship one-sided? Am I always the one initiating contact, connection and closeness? Be careful, there is a difference between what feels this way and what is actually, factually this way! Sometimes we might feel that the other person hasn’t called in weeks yet a study of the old “missed calls” reveals a different picture.

Next, what is the pH level of this relationship? This is a scale from 0 to 14. A pH of 0 is acidic and 14 is base (alkaline) with 7 being neutral. Typically, we want to create slightly alkaline relationships but sometimes the toxicity shifts slightly to both sides of neutral. If your relationship feels acidic, it is likely that it is burning a hole through your sense of peace, however if it is so extremely alkaline then you are probably missing a bit of life!

Has this relationship ever changed? Have we grown as a relationship or are we exactly where we started? Even if we started in a great way, there is always potential to grow together! On the other hand, if the relationship feels like it has deteriorated over time with what used to be fun and easy feeling irritating, frustrating or tedious, then there is more work to do if this relationship will survive.

Finally, is this a nice relationship? Are we nice to one another? Do we wish the other person good things and support them in reaching their goals in life? Are we kind to ourselves in the relationship or do we beat ourselves up and feel worse after we meet? Do we feel compassion and love from the other person? If a relationship isn’t kind then it is destructive, simple as that. Either change your orientation within the relationship or purge it from your life!

There are always exceptions, especially when it comes to family. We typically lower the bar when it comes to family because many of our value systems consider maintaining familial ties more important than voluntary bonds. Still, there are certain familial dynamics that become so toxic that sadly the only solution is distance, even disconnection.

Whatever the case, I believe connection with others is close to the essence and purpose of being alive. Relationships are typically well worth the work, even the challenging ones!