Sarah Palin…Celebrity, Candidate or Girlfriend?

I have a confession to make:

I can’t stop crushing out on Sarah Palin. I find all sorts of things to dislike about her, her politics, ignorant comments about Muslims, the Constitution, Death Panels. Yet I still find myself longing for her like the woman at a party who is with that guy but still flirts with me. Why does she still flirt with me? Why does she make me think about her? Is it me? I know I’m not that cool, yet she smiles and winks and well, she’s just so, um, seductive…

The lilting verbiage of the GMILSNW (Grizzly Mom I’d Like to Spend a Night With) should logically repel me, launching me back towards the comforting whispers of Maureen Dowd, Arianna Huffington or of course, my wife. Yet, there I am, denouncing, lambasting, embarrassing her to the point of ridicule only to slip her my room number after the obvious rant.

What is wrong with me? I feel like Don Draper around Jimmy Barrett’s wife. Stop me, please, before I regret something. Did you see her fire that gun on the Discovery Channel? She’s just so feisty! What if she is the JFK candidate of my time?

Surely it wasn’t the cover shot in her running suit or the rifle-protruding-from-her-groin shot. It wasn’t the silly guest appearance on SNL or her saucy grins on Fox News. It couldn’t have been the proud, concerned mother shots on Dancing With the Stars…What is it that bewitches me, you alluring governess, you? How will I ever be free from those eyes and live a good, honest liberal life?

And yet, it was really your year, wasn’t it, Sarah? Well, yes, you’re right. It was our year. You couldn’t be where you are without me, the entranced onlooker. I’m the one who can’t shut your show off because you are just so interesting. Just so, Sarah…