One of the hardest things you’ll ever do is not necessarily finding a great partner it is becoming a great partner.
Many couples who have worked with me over the years can attest to the belief I hold that relationship work is, at its core, individual work in the context of partnership. It’s much simpler to sit on the couch and explain all the ways your partner isn’t showing up how you’d like yet so much of our satisfaction in partnership has to do with our individual process; the way we relate, the way we express our feelings both positive and negative, and the way we act based on these feelings. How do you ask for what you need?
Another difference (as some of you know) between my approach to relationship work and that of many others is that I focus a significant amount of time and energy in the first series of sessions upon education, re-directing and re-visioning our notions of what relationships are about to ourselves and our partners. We don’t just “dive in” to your issues as there is little likelihood that things will be different in the office as opposed to your living room. Many therapists miss this crucial step in rehabilitating relationships. In order for change to take root, there needs to be fertile soil, a sense of containment and the right elements in place.
Some of you have experienced great healing in your relationships over the years and I also know that maintaining a level of healthy functioning requires commitment, relevant tools and a willingness to rely on the “Process” when we hit a bump in the road. Sometimes, all we need is a good tune-up to remind us about healthy communication, invigorate our current practice and inject our relationship with a healthy, loving boost of positive affirmation and support.
Don’t forget the tune ups!