“Self-knowledge” means becoming conscious of the unconscious: facing our shadow and becoming aware of the reality of our “inner partner,” the animus (for women) or the anima (for men). C.G. Jung
We occasionally throw around some heavy terminology in my field…big words for (sometimes) very big thoughts, ideas and dilemmas. Some of these big words mean very little to me while others feel IMMENSE.
Individuation is one such word. It’s HUGE. Because we are.
Jung himself defined the term in 1921:
The concept of individuation plays a large role in our psychology. In general, it is the process by which individual beings are formed and differentiated; in particular, it is the development of the psychological individual… as a being distinct from the general, collective psychology. Individuation, therefore, is a process of differentiation… having for its goal the development of the individual personality.
Makes perfect sense, right? Well, I have been wrestling with this idea since I was a teen-ager even as I wrestled with my own process of individuation. The concept that at some point in our development it becomes necessary to experience ourselves as some sort of Other seems at first to be a cruel reminder of puberty; middle school all over again.
Really?!? Do I REALLY want to feel even more separate and alone?!?
Not so fast. We oftentimes confuse the idea of alone with lonely. Being comfortable by myself, doing my own thing… in my own way… is GOLD. When we individuate we become WHOLE! In a sense, we become indivisible, meaning, it is very challenging to split off into fragmented parts or simply hide in the larger (as seen or experienced by a child) personalities of our parents, for example. So, the process of individuation is all about realizing ourselves as unique, beautiful, powerful beings different from others while still very connected with them at the same time.
Dr. Sue Johnson likes to distinguish the process of individuating FROM vs. the process of individuating WITH. We are all in a process of becoming whole and yet we do so in the context of relationships with others, not as a way to escape the very relationships that have helped shape us. Jung agreed on this point when he reiterated that
If we stay on the path, stick with the work, we come to enjoy a widened circle of consciousness. Our sense of separateness ends and we gain broader, more intense relationships with others. (CG Jung, Psychological Types)
That’s what I mean by IMMENSE! Perhaps I meant INTENSE!!!
I would be delighted to discuss an end to your feelings of separateness and the prospect of supporting you in opening the door to even more intense relationships with others!!!!