One of the greatest challenges we humans sometimes face is how to do the most basic thing involved in relationship: communicate! If you accept that there’s something more powerful than just you and someone else hovering over your burrito bowls at Chipotle, then that’s the space in which you can create the most profound connections you have ever known. And still, so many folks drop the ball on this basic skill.
The Check-In is a concrete, repetitive tool that creates change in the process for couples and eventually becomes integrated into the basic matrix of their interactions. It’s designed to raise our consciousness around those places where we’re most susceptible, based on our unmet needs and projections, and in those places where our partners, friends or even aging parents are perhaps stuck or more needy, thus susceptible to reactivity. I developed the Check-In as a slingshot back to one of those most basic skills that we sometimes get so confused about that it ends up doing real damage to the way we interact with others.
The idea behind the Check-In is that the more we practice it in the same way, sticking to its principles, the easier it becomes to enter a zone of safety and creativity. When we need to have a conversation that is somewhat challenging or emotionally charged, all we have to do is resort back to the structure of the Check-Ins. Consistent practice of the Check-in will help make it a natural way to communicate that you can utilize in difficult situations.
The goal is to move from a place of conscious competence to a state of unconscious competence, where the behavior of the Check-in becomes so ingrained and integrated that you do it in your interactions without thinking about it. You’ll be moving through an interaction with someone, after consistent utilization of the basic process, and you’ll come to the awareness that your ordinary interaction has actually been something rather extraordinary — you’re allowing the triggers and the fight or flight mechanism to do its thing without feeding the inner animal!
You’re already safe and don’t need to react to triggers or fear. The process between you and your partner will help to confirm this. This creates a structure for communication and leads to a truly harmonious, mutually respectful dialogue.
Please consider trying the Check-In in your relationships now. It is covered in a complimentary 5 page manual that sets up a structure for essential communication between lovers, friends, co-workers- anybody. For more information about the way we relate, also consider picking up a copy of Renew Your Wows: Seven Powerful Tools to Ignite the Spark and Transform Your Relationship.